Someday
I had another post planned. Mostly written. Maybe you’ll see it next week. But I came across this poem by Ocean Vuong, and I just have to share it with you. I spent some days in Maine with the boys this past weekend–24 hours of driving, four nights of sleeping outside, questionable hygiene practices, flip-flop straps covered in slugs in the morning, witnessing our beautiful friends getting married, climbing a mountain, dancing in the barn pictured below. And while my goal is ostensibly to try to get these kids to stop mansplaining, to be helpful, to ask questions, to read books instead of playing video games, to watch for cops while I speed; my real work is to try to convince them to love themselves the way I love them. I wish I could bottle this unending love I have for them and they could sip from it for the rest of their lives. Their enthusiasm and senses of humor, the way they brighten everything in my life. If they knew, if they really believed they were worthy of all this love just because of who they are at their core, they would never feel the loneliness of rejection, the self-doubt that eats at resolve. I will fail at it, as even the very best parents do. Because we grow up and are all so hard on ourselves, aren’t we? But maybe, someday, they will love themselves. Maybe, someday I will love myself like that. Your prompt is to read the poem below, and write to yourself using these lines, after writing on your page: Someday I’ll love [your name]
[your name] don’t be afraid.
remember…
don’t worry…
the most beautiful part of your body is…
I swear…
write. with love and hope and a long view. write and write and write. forgive yourself, remember how worthy you are. 20 minutes. be unabashed in your admiration of yourself, just this once.
by Ocean Vuong
Ocean, don’t be afraid.
The end of the road is so far ahead
it is already behind us.
Don’t worry. Your father is only your father
until one of you forgets. Like how the spine
won’t remember its wings
no matter how many times our knees
kiss the pavement. Ocean,
are you listening? The most beautiful part
of your body is wherever
your mother’s shadow falls.
Here’s the house with childhood
whittled down to a single red trip wire.
Don’t worry. Just call it horizon
& you’ll never reach it.
Here’s today. Jump. I promise it’s not
a lifeboat. Here’s the man
whose arms are wide enough to gather
your leaving. & here the moment,
just after the lights go out, when you can still see
the faint torch between his legs.
How you use it again & again
to find your own hands.
You asked for a second chance
& are given a mouth to empty out of.
Don’t be afraid, the gunfire
is only the sound of people
trying to live a little longer
& failing. Ocean. Ocean—
get up. The most beautiful part of your body
is where it’s headed. & remember,
loneliness is still time spent
with the world. Here’s
the room with everyone in it.
Your dead friends passing
through you like wind
through a wind chime. Here’s a desk
with the gimp leg & a brick
to make it last. Yes, here’s a room
so warm & blood-dose,
I swear, you will wake—
& mistake these walls
for skin.
it seems every time I turn around, they are taller
4 Responses
I loved this prompt. Made me happy to write.
Someday I’ll Love Mary
By Mary Durfee
Mary, don’t be afraid.
Remember your excited fear when you learned to ride a two-wheeler?
Your father pushed while running along side and you pedaled and tried to steer all at once.
It was so confusing.
You fell and tried again & suddenly were free, going faster than Daddy could run, the breeze blowing through your long hair.
Why not now?
The wind from the future wants you to greet it.
Pedal into it, go, go, go, hair streaming all wild.
Don’t worry, Mary,
the most beautiful part of your body loves music.
A breath—a simple breath welling up—brings sound to the world.
Breathe in and breathe out, like so.
Put the tip of your tongue at the back of your teeth
Articulate your joy.
Remember the love and
I swear, Mary, it will find you.
Whole and warm
Flawed and charmed
Fingers up your spine it tenses and releases.
Offer it tentatively but listen, Mary, you have to look.
A glance, or in minute detail, or from a mountain top,
everywhere you look find it and give some back.
A flash of color, a bedraggled fragment, it’s there and always will be.
Marine don’t be afraid.
Remember Marine you have the backing of your country. Those you have sworn to protect are safe back in your homeland. You face these horrors so they don’t have to. You are the outstretched hand, so far from the heart, protecting, serving as the first line of defense. You will not fail, if you fail the body could be injured. Injured bodies die, we cannot die.
Don’t worry Marine you are not alone. You stand shoulder to shoulder with those of like mind. Your strength is theirs and theirs yours. Together you are the rock that breaks the wave.
The most beautiful part of your body is your pride. Your pride is not like the pride of others. Your pride is a selfless pride, most wouldn’t understand. Your pride will hold you head up high when you can barely focus your eyes. Not because you want to but because you must.
I swear Marine, those that curse you behind your back could not stand where you have stood, would not succeed where you have succeeded. Don’t let those cancers concern you, they will be cut out. There is no place for them here.
Gunny don’t be afraid.
Remember Gunny those young Marines look up to you, they want to be you, to be better than you. Show them what you want them to be.
Don’t worry Gunny they are going to beat you on the run, they are going to shoot better than you. That is what you want. Keep pushing them to do better by doing better yourself.
The most beautiful part of your body is your desire. You have a desire they can see, that is almost tangible to them, and they want it.
I swear some day you will be done. You will be able to relax but today is not that day.
Justin don’t be afraid.
Remember Justin, you are a person too. You belong and you are loved.
Don’t worry Justin, your past only defines who you were. It does not define who you can become. There is always time to change, there is always time to make it better.
The most beautiful part of your body is your mind. So complex and capable. You can create and you can destroy. Capable of beautiful things and overwhelming darkness.
I swear Justin, it’s not over.
Are you a Gunny or a younger Marine…or just imagining? (Obviously you don’t need to tell me.) One of my favorite students was a sergeant in the Marines–I think 2 tours in Afghanistan. Good piece, captures the kind of education and leadership one gets from NCOs. The darkness is there, but then…something else more complexly beautiful, as you say.
I am a Gunny. I wrote this to try and drill down from a big picture to me. I hope you enjoyed it.